Kid Riffs

Riffs Seems appropriate to me for these little tidbits.  These are quick peeks into conversations with my children, I think they are probably better without context.

Why is it that you have to tell your child not to shove pineapple chunks up their nose. You would think that would be an instinctual thing to not do. Apparently not.

Remember: if you wear a drum on your head expect your sister to hit it with a plastic eggplant.

I'm standing on a step stool getting ready to kill a spider. And sam says "daddy, i think he might bite you in the eye." Finally, somebody who understands why i hate spiders.

Nothing says christmas like playing a harmonica on the toilet in your batman shirt and wearing a green boller hat.

My daughter the dietitian just informed me that "Reeses cups are good for kids. And grown-ups too." I tend to agree. She also said that her stuffed lamb was a good girl and that she needed two reeses cups. She's getting sneakier.

From the sentences you never thought you'd hear category, I give you "Mom and Dad, Lets go get the polar bear so he can rescue elmo."

Putting Sophie to bed she holds up her baby doll and says "This is my baby doll, Sour Pete." Apparently she's naming her dolls after gold miners from the 1800's.

Sam and Sophie were standing on the guest bed and Banging on the metal rails with plastic golf clubs. I said "Hey! what are you guys doing?" To which sam replied "It's Rock and Roll." I couldn't really argue with that so I went back to the living room.

ME: as sam sprints by, "Wow sammy, your are fast! What's the opposite of fast?"
SAM: pause... "Mommy & Daddy!"

"Uh oh, I threw my sucker in the pee pee."

Last night putting sam to bed: he's making raspberry's as I come in to tuck him in. 
Me:"good night buddy"
Sam:"good night daddy! Haaapppyyyy Fartmas " raspberry's resume. That's my boy.

Santa's reindeer according to Sophie:
Rudolph.... Then she loses me.

Hoshen
Foshen
Floppit
Mixin
Hasher
Dasher
Nena
Mrs. Elf the reindeer

Sam as I'm putting him to sleep tonight: "your pirate name is 'Fatbeard'."

My son the tyrannosaurus: 
Me:sam get the ball under the couch. 
Sam:I can see it but I can't get it. My arms are too little and my head is too big.

I shaved my head for Halloween and Sophie says "Hey, why you got a bald head like Mr. Mike sam says "cuz it makes you faster."

In the sentences I thought I'd never say column I give you "would you two stop it with the fart guns!"

Sophie "it's boring waiting for the sun to come up."

Sam: "ghosts eat monkeys" 
Me: "... what?... " 
Sam: "when it's Halloween ghosts eat monkeys cuz that's what they do. Dontcha know. 
Me:" I do now. "

Sophie: "he means in the english world.... Where everyone says hellacious"

Sophie: "mommy, I need to wash my hands."
Mommy:" your fine it's bedtime"
Sophie:"I don't know what I touched, but my fingers totally smell like my butt"
Mommy: "let's go wash your hands."

Sam n Sophia got the paper today from the end of the driveway. Sophie looked at it and as they were walking in i hear her tell Sam "this says if you go to the circus you can bring your cat".

Sophi's Words of Wisdom: Your belly keeps your spit from getting cold.

Sam! Take the fork out out of your nose and eat your chicken!

Sophie: "Welcome to our house it was an old SHIT but we painted it to be a new house."
Me: "It was an old S H E D?"
S: "Yep an old Shit but we decorated it to be a new house, right mom."
Mom: <GIGGLING> "YES!"
Sam: "I love these comfy shit couches."
Sophie "Yes the couches were here in the Shit before."
Sophie "Do you like the shit now that we painted it?"
Me: "It's a lovely S H E D. especially since you painted it."