Fat old and out of shape

I can't change my age but I can fix the other two.  Or at least I hope too. When I hit 41 I didn't feel so good.  Nothing serious just getting older, fatter, and generally out of shape.

I decided to make a change, some for myself but mostly out of fear of not living long enough to see what becomes of my kids, who they grow up to be, how they change over the years and I sure as hell didn't want someone else walking my daughter down the isle.  I'm not going to miss out on the chance to terrorize the poor little twerp that ends up marrying my daughter.

My real motivation kicked in with a continuous and persistent sore throat.  Since I was smoking at the time, the hypochondriac in me bellowed "IT'S THROAT CANCER"... It isn't, turns out just acid reflux.  but I used that as motivation to quit smoking and on June 10th 2013, I smoked my last cigarette.

Moving forward I didn't really feel any better.  Over the next year I put on a little extra weight capping out at 198lb, felt pooped pretty much all the time. A year and a bit after quitting I started phase two.  I started using "My Fitness Pal" to keep track of my eating habits.  I didn't alter what I ate, just started keeping track of it. After a couple weeks of that I set a goal for 2000 calories a day, and tried to get "close" to it. I wasn't too stringent just, tried to finish in that general area.  I think by just logging what you eat, it keeps everything right in the forefront of your mind.  When you look at that extra snack, you tend to say no.

My feet suck. (I have no segue for this) Not sure if it's the years of combat boots, lack of activity, weight gain or what, but my feet are now flatter than the Kansas plains.  On top of that I hate running.  I mean I really hate running.  If I had Freddy Kruger, and Jason Vorhees behind me I would still take time to debate if it was really worth the effort of running. And i'm guessing that 9 times out of 10 I'd probably say "nah"  So I needed something other that running to help with my fitness.

Hello Rowing machine.  If you are anything like me and hate running as much as I do, I recommend a rowing machine.  What other exercise device let's you sit down the whole time you are exercising.  The only thing that could improve it is a bacon dispenser attached to the front to motivate that push forward.

So I picked up a rowing machine and a Polar H7 Heart monitor.  Using that along with the Polar Beat app has helped make sure that I didn't over do it and exercise my out of shape butt into an early heart attack.

I'd recommend any machine that tracks your distance, time etc.  The rower I got has very nice performance monitor. The Manufacturers website has a lot of support and challenges to keep you motivated. but you don't need one of their rowers to use it.  log.concept2.com.

So as a goal I decided to try and complete the Million Meter Challenge http://www.concept2.com/indoor-rowers/motivation/million-meter-club.  I'm pretty sure that I can't help but be in better shape after that.  I started working out on it around the 5th of November, 5 times a week.  I've been doing 30 minute workouts 4 days a week and rowing a 10K on saturdays.

After 5 weeks of tracking what I eat and 3 weeks of rowing I've lost a little over 10 pounds and feel better than I have in a long time.

Running didn't work for me, but rowing is.  I guess what I'm trying to say is... Exercise equipment needs bacon dispensers.

Kid Riffs

Riffs Seems appropriate to me for these little tidbits.  These are quick peeks into conversations with my children, I think they are probably better without context.

Why is it that you have to tell your child not to shove pineapple chunks up their nose. You would think that would be an instinctual thing to not do. Apparently not.

Remember: if you wear a drum on your head expect your sister to hit it with a plastic eggplant.

I'm standing on a step stool getting ready to kill a spider. And sam says "daddy, i think he might bite you in the eye." Finally, somebody who understands why i hate spiders.

Nothing says christmas like playing a harmonica on the toilet in your batman shirt and wearing a green boller hat.

My daughter the dietitian just informed me that "Reeses cups are good for kids. And grown-ups too." I tend to agree. She also said that her stuffed lamb was a good girl and that she needed two reeses cups. She's getting sneakier.

From the sentences you never thought you'd hear category, I give you "Mom and Dad, Lets go get the polar bear so he can rescue elmo."

Putting Sophie to bed she holds up her baby doll and says "This is my baby doll, Sour Pete." Apparently she's naming her dolls after gold miners from the 1800's.

Sam and Sophie were standing on the guest bed and Banging on the metal rails with plastic golf clubs. I said "Hey! what are you guys doing?" To which sam replied "It's Rock and Roll." I couldn't really argue with that so I went back to the living room.

ME: as sam sprints by, "Wow sammy, your are fast! What's the opposite of fast?"
SAM: pause... "Mommy & Daddy!"

"Uh oh, I threw my sucker in the pee pee."

Last night putting sam to bed: he's making raspberry's as I come in to tuck him in. 
Me:"good night buddy"
Sam:"good night daddy! Haaapppyyyy Fartmas " raspberry's resume. That's my boy.

Santa's reindeer according to Sophie:
Rudolph.... Then she loses me.

Hoshen
Foshen
Floppit
Mixin
Hasher
Dasher
Nena
Mrs. Elf the reindeer

Sam as I'm putting him to sleep tonight: "your pirate name is 'Fatbeard'."

My son the tyrannosaurus: 
Me:sam get the ball under the couch. 
Sam:I can see it but I can't get it. My arms are too little and my head is too big.

I shaved my head for Halloween and Sophie says "Hey, why you got a bald head like Mr. Mike sam says "cuz it makes you faster."

In the sentences I thought I'd never say column I give you "would you two stop it with the fart guns!"

Sophie "it's boring waiting for the sun to come up."

Sam: "ghosts eat monkeys" 
Me: "... what?... " 
Sam: "when it's Halloween ghosts eat monkeys cuz that's what they do. Dontcha know. 
Me:" I do now. "

Sophie: "he means in the english world.... Where everyone says hellacious"

Sophie: "mommy, I need to wash my hands."
Mommy:" your fine it's bedtime"
Sophie:"I don't know what I touched, but my fingers totally smell like my butt"
Mommy: "let's go wash your hands."

Sam n Sophia got the paper today from the end of the driveway. Sophie looked at it and as they were walking in i hear her tell Sam "this says if you go to the circus you can bring your cat".

Sophi's Words of Wisdom: Your belly keeps your spit from getting cold.

Sam! Take the fork out out of your nose and eat your chicken!

Sophie: "Welcome to our house it was an old SHIT but we painted it to be a new house."
Me: "It was an old S H E D?"
S: "Yep an old Shit but we decorated it to be a new house, right mom."
Mom: <GIGGLING> "YES!"
Sam: "I love these comfy shit couches."
Sophie "Yes the couches were here in the Shit before."
Sophie "Do you like the shit now that we painted it?"
Me: "It's a lovely S H E D. especially since you painted it."

A small intro

This is just a small intro for what this is for.  Primarily it's just a writing vehicle. But it's also a way for me to keep track and remember the events in my life.  Mostly though it's just going to be a collection of the goofy crap my kids say.

Take the title for instance.  Over dinner one night I was complaining about some sort of nonsense or another, when my son looked at me with the seriousness that only a 4 year old can and said "Dad, You're aiming for cranky! Soooo..."  Then he trailed off because a bird / bike / car / meandering butterfly / sister / mother / dog / or something else crossed his line of sight.

"Trust me son, I rarely miss my mark."